i think i may subconsciously be trying to sabotage myself. like… putting my own phone number down instead of a reference’s phone number so when the lady calls my references, she’s dialing… me!
haha… yeah, that wins them over every time.
i try to make friends. i have nothing. why do people not want to be close to me? maybe the answer is to truly be as distant as i am from them. just not talk at all. pretend i was sucked up into the void… or better yet: take every last drop of love i have been sending them and put it into the focus for what i want in this life for myself instead. haha…. not so noble, maybe… but then, who cares anyhow, right? like this bog… this wonderful faceless blog wherein i can type and type, and then almost no one will see this. and when some silly person does take the time to read it, it’s more like your older sister to snuck into your room to read what you’ve been up to… or better yet, her friends. or maybe even more apt: in desperation, your sister threw your diary in the dumpster… and there it is, for any soul brave enough to dive in and read.
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